Top 5 Songs of 2018

Hello again everyone! We’ve made it through another year – an extremely long year at that – and you know what that means…

Time to recap my favorite songs from last year!

If you follow my sporadic ramblings and other updates on Twitter, you can probably already guess a few of these. I’ve listened to almost every single one on repeat while writing or revising one project or another, and many more times when I just wanted to decompress, so I hope you find something you like in this list!

#5 “Turns to Dust” by Sound Surfer & Verso ft. Nilka: This one barely squeaked in, and I’m fairly sure it was the last song I listened to in 2018. It’s atmospheric and futuristic, hopeful and very relaxing. And I kinda sorta really want to create a winter-guard (flag twirling) routine for it when spring comes in a few months.

 

#4 “Starlight” by Babymetal: This song gives off a heavy “anime opening” vibe and it is awesome. I absolutely love how the bass and guitars work with the soaring vocals and backing symphonic-type effects. It’s powerful and again, hopeful, bringing to mind the point when a character or hero finally realizes what they have to do to win or succeed and make a last-ditch effort to save the world/the ones they love.

 

#3 “See Through Me” by Orbit Culture: Although this song is much darker/heavier than Starlight, I still get a sense of optimism or hopefulness from it. But where Starlight is more lighthearted or happy, See Through Me more befits a character who has really  gone through the ringer, arriving to a final conflict more to spite an antagonist or opposing force than actually save/resolve something. See Through Me is a “I’ll prove you wrong” song, whereas Starlight is a “I won’t let you win/you won’t get away with this” song.

And honestly, given our political landscape the last two years, I think we all need a survival or spiteful anthem. This one is mine.

 

#2 “Hip Hop Phile” by BTS: Let’s be honest–you had to know BTS would end up on this list sooner or later. (Honestly you should count yourselves lucky the whole list wasn’t just completely BTS.) But I digress – I absolutely adore HHP. I love the flow, love the stories RM, JHope, and Suga tell about how hip hop influenced them early on and what it means to them. Reading – immersing myself in fantasy worlds – was how I survived middle and high school, and is what drove me to writing: to creating my own stories, my own worlds, so that anyone who needed a respite from their own life, like I did, had one.  That’s why HHP resonates a lot with me, I think.

The heart and soul they put into this song trying to convey what hip hop has meant to them throughout their lives is palpable, and when you think of how far they’ve come, how much they struggled (and still do) with aspects of being idols, it’s that much more powerful.

 

 

And the moment you’ve all been waiting for, which really should come as no surprise…

 

#1 “Fake Love” by BTS

Where do I even start? Actually, I know where — maybe it’s cheating but loving Fake Love basically means you have four official versions of the song to repeat to your heart’s content (and trust me – I have). Each one has its own flavor and vibe, too, making it easier to listen to over multiple projects.

To me, the first/original version feels like the darkest of the four, followed by the Japanese Remix version. The remix embraces the punchy, halting flow of the rap verse and switches out the effects to create a cyberpunk/futuristic feel. The original Japanese version (non-remix) is a touch less dark, with what sounds like an added instrumental in the background to help soften it (on top of the vocals themselves, which seem a little less…angry?). Last but not least brings the Rocking Vibe version, where the synths and EDM-style beat* are changed out for rock-style acoustic/electric guitars and drums, turning the track into a much more nostalgic, somber song.

And that’s without even getting into the visually stunning music videos. BTS is known for lyrics with word play and multiple meanings, so it’s no surprise the MVs for Fake Love are layered in much the same way. I went through some of the elements here , but it definitely doesn’t cover everything. Because the song isn’t just about romantic love, but self-love too, I think it’s pretty safe to say some of the members’ own struggles, fears, and/or aspects of “fake love” show up in the MVs.

Long story short: Fake Love is art. I don’t know how else to put it.

 

All in all 2018 was, musically, an amazing year. I feel like I listened more widely, more diversely than I have in previous years, though I’ll have to go back and look through my prior end-of-year lists to be sure. In any case I highly, highly recommend to check out BTS‘s Love Yourself: Tear and Love Yourself: Answer because they are the only albums I enjoyed, in their ENTIRETY, over the whole year.

Listen with your heart, and without judging based on another group/artist/song, and I think you’ll be pleasantly surprised.

 

Did you have any favorite songs of 2018? Any songs or album releases you were looking forward to, but then were let down by? Were there any songs that sneaked up on you, maybe one in a genre or style you don’t usually like but found yourself really enjoying? Let me know in the comments!

*Apologies if I butcher musical terms and whatnot, because I’m mostly just describing how I hear/what it sounds like to me. 

Twitter hiatus, NaNoEdMo, and other reflections from March

March has finally come to an end, which means one thing: my Twitter hiatus is OVER.

Thank. Goodness.

 

Elroy dropped by for moral nap support.

 

I’ll be honest, sticking to the hiatus was harder than I expected. I knew I was erm, addicted somewhat, but not to the extent I thought. Day one was fine. Days two through twenty-something were frustratingly boring, especially at my dayjob. Probably 90% of the news I intake – be it publishing/writing, politics, pop culture, etc. – comes from Twitter…which means I was pretty much in the dark for a whole month. Totally not fun, so if I ever make such a pact again: TALK ME OUT OF IT. Moderation, yes; complete blackout, no.

 

So much revising.

That said, NaNoEdMo went really well. I logged over 66 hours of revising time, completing four chapters in the process. I *gasp* actually enjoyed revising for like…a whole week. Coincidentally that was the week where I revised 49 pages in total (one of them a 15 page day!). So as much as I hated being away from Twitter, clearly it had some benefits.

Progress-by-stickers!

In terms of progress, I’m down to the last three chapters. I’m expecting to have to rewrite at least a couple scenes in one of them, because the language is practically gibberish compared to the images I’m trying to convey. The final chapter needs just a little bit of smoothing. If everything goes better than expected *crosses fingers* draft 3 will be done in the next two weeks, and I’ll have enough time to go back for another pass before sending it off to betas at the end of the month.

 

Also during the hiatus…

I came across Tim Clare’s “Couch to 80k” podcast and am loving it so far. Like the site suggests it’s not just for people who want to take an idea they have and turn it into a book, but for those already writing who are burnt out or struggling with a block/anxiety.

Seriously, it’s awesome. Let me get personal for a second: I have a difficult time with writing prompts. I don’t fare well going to writing meetups unless they’re with my main set of writing friends, or the critique group I’ve belonged to for four years. I always feel this giant pressure to perform or produce and it locks me up. I’m a wording perfectionist in front of others, so trying to produce something on the spot that feels “good enough” is a struggle. Taking steps to better my mental health has helped, but those feelings aren’t gone.

However. In two weeks of exercises I’ve written:

• A fun Loki/Thor brotherly fanfic snippet
• Possibly the start of a short story, taking an early prompt (picking an “interesting object in a character’s bag”) and adding a strong emotional tone

These may not seem impressive or anything to be happy about, but to put it in perspective – the last time I wrote fanfic was pre-college, during my online forum-based rpg days. And the last time I had a short story idea, let alone tried to write one, was probably close to three years ago.

The freewrite exercises during gave me freedom to play around with, well… anything and everything. I dabbled in poetry. I ranted a little about politics. I wrote meaningless vignettes. Exchanges that may or may not happen further down in the urban fantasy series.

 

It seems like such a small, no-brainer thing to give ourselves permission to write freely for no one but ourselves, without judging the words or where our head/heart lead us in the idea – but it’s not. Not when you have deadlines, imposter syndrome, a nasty inner critic, or some combination of those three. They don’t even have to be contracted deadlines! The way we compare ourselves to others to measure and define our success is so, so harmful. We [writers] need to remember that we are our, essentially, our own first readers. Forget everyone else; we should be happy with the story, ideas, characters, etc. ourselves, even if it’s not perfect on the page yet.

If you need permission to do that, to find self-satisfaction in your writing, to let your imagination free to roam and get dirty and fuck up – you have it. You have permission – more importantly, encouragement – to do just that.

So yeah, give the podcast a listen. It hasn’t banished my writing blocks or anything like that, but I’ve seen so much potential in just taking 10 – 20 minutes a day to let my mind wander and see what it comes up with.

 

I also want to talk about falling in love with BTS, but I think that deserves its own post (or Twitter thread, at the very least). You’ll just have to wait for all that fangirling.  Until then, HAPPY APRIL!

Really enjoyed reading Warcross, too! Where is the sequellllll???

Rewriting…still

I’ve been working for a full year now and still haven’t finished the second draft of my UF book. Let’s just say it’s been a steep learning curve, and various crap happened throughout the year that didn’t make it any easier.

But – and there is a silver lining here – I’ve learned a lot. Just like a first draft, you kinda have to figure out a process for second and later drafts by doing it. Otherwise you’re flailing and wasting time and letting the voice of doubt sink its claws deeper into you….

I know, I’ve been there. I still flail, waste time, and want to burn the scene I’m trying to fix at least once a week. I don’t, though. I cut the words, re-write them over and over if I have to, until they make more sense.

Surely drafts three and on will be much, much easier.

 

Assuming this guy lets me have some peace at the desk!

 

In any case, I’m sure there are tons of you out there looking at your NaNo or some other WIP first draft, positively cringing (or crying) from all the problems you see. Good news! NaNoEdMo is coming up in less than two weeks! Like NaNoWriMo, there’s a community undertaking the journey with you of trying to fix those words. Instead of 50,000 words, the goal is 50 hours of editing. That’s a little over 1.5 hours per day. Sounds totally do-able, right? Head on over to the website and sign up!

Having said that, I really, really don’t suggest diving in without some kind of plan.By that I mean jumping in feet first without looking over the first draft, thinking about what needs to change, characters that need to be moved, making notes, etc. It’s overwhelming. But if you’re looking for a place to start, this is what I tried:

• Let the book sit (hopefully you’ve let it rest for a few weeks, if not a month, since finishing the draft)
• Highlighted sections in different colors based on what changes were needed (green for setting, orange for plot, etc.)
• Wrote each scene on a notecard
• Made an outline for what actually happens in the first draft (even if you went by an outline while writing, it may be good to make this just to catch any differences that cropped up by accident)
• Made an outline for draft two based on what needed to be moved/changed
• Came up with an arbitrary date to finish the draft

 

What actually worked:

• Outlines — these have made the biggest improvement, I think. Every time I changed something or got feedback from an alpha reader/critique partner, I readjusted the outline and was able to stay on track much better.
• Scene cards — these helped to an extent. They’re nice if you want to lay them all out and see what happens when you move pieces around, but for me, there was too much information on them. My scenes were too big, so about a quarter through I stopped using them as my guideline.
• Alpha/Beta reader — to be fair I didn’t have a reader/crit partner until about halfway through the year, but I highly recommend having someone read the revised/rewritten chapters as you get through one.

 

What didn’t work:

• Highlighting the first draft — there was simply too much that needed to be reworked. Since it’s first person POV and the main character didn’t cooperate very well in the first draft, a lot of it couldn’t be salvaged word-for-word.
• Word/scene goals/timeline — hahahaha. I have broken pretty much every one of these I made. I underestimated how long it would take to rewrite everything, because my brain isn’t in first-draft-vomit-mode. It’s in make-everything-pretty mode. Luckily I’m not on a contracted deadline so I can take as much time as you want.
  • If it takes you a day to fix 50 – 100 – 1000 words, THAT’S OKAY. You don’t have to try to do a scene a day.

 

I also read quite a number of articles on rewriting, editing, the second draft, etc. Many, many of them will be much more helpful than me, both in terms of process and motivation/inspiration. The edit caves are deep, dark, and full of hidden bears that will gobble you up if they get the chance… take a torch and a shotgun with you:

 

Chuck Wendig has three good write ups about editing/rewriting/second drafts. Hopefully you get a kick out of the profanity as much as I do.

Susan Dennard has a treasure trove of writing posts, from planning a draft to fixing one.

Delilah Dawson, whom you should follow on Twitter, often takes questions and runs through scenarios like starting a short story or what her process is for revisions. Might be a little difficult to find the edit/revision posts but worth a look.

NaNoEdMo has a ton of posts from previous years to go back through. One of my favorites is this one by Julie Hutchings.

 

You can also look up Rachel Aaron (Bach), Kristin Lamb, and Holly Lisle to fill your brain with more revision gooey-ness. There are so, so many others too.

Catch you all at NaNoEdMo!

 

How writer brains work

So just a quick post – sort of gushing about another “Ah ha!” moment, while also to show how your brain comes up with shit that will work if you don’t hamstring it.

I’m trying to finish all remaining rewrites (a.k.a. draft 2) on the urban fantasy project by end of June, plan being to send CPs/Betas the first half by end of May.  Which meant starting from the beginning. I rewrote chapter 1 and the first scene of chapter 2 in February or March at some point, then dropped them. Because the second scene in chapter 2 just wouldn’t work.

Can’t exactly avoid it any more, though. It has to get done or other goals this year *coughPitchWarscough* won’t happen.

I was supposed to finish it yesterday. Didn’t happen. The new words sounded just as boring and overdrawn as the first set. To bypass some of the stress and anxiety of missing yet another deadline, I decided to plow ahead to chapter 3 and come back. As I started jotting out the first scene in chapter 3, this is what happened:

“Okay, where exactly are all these things in this container?”

*Tries to sketch out how it’s laid out. Looks up cargo container packing pictures.*

“How is there any room for her to move in there? And why would they pack the stuff that they need to unload and hide IN THE BACK?”

Brain – What about making it a pirate ship instead?

“Don’t be silly, there can’t be any pirate ships in this thing. That makes no sense-”

*Googles old merchant ship holds.*

“How can I make this fit the rest of the world? How can a pirate ship fit in an alternate, modern Charleston?”

Brain – Here’s all you need to know to tie it into this moment and recent past.  *Dumps out ideas and possible subplot threads.*

“…NOW CHAPTER TWO WILL BE SO MUCH MORE FUN!”

 

And now (well not right now) I can go back to chapter two and give it the oomph it deserves. It won’t be pirate ships… exactly.  Mwahahah.

Moral of the story: don’t quash the little voice that offers up what sounds, at first, like an outlandish idea. It might be the solution you’ve been banging your head on the keyboard for.

Over the middle and through the words…

March is halfway over now, which by association also means I’m on the downward part of the NaNoEdMo hill. In 17 days I’ve rewritten around 6 scenes. I say around because the final fight isn’t cut into neat sections.

Six-ish scenes in almost 28 hours of work.

It doesn’t look like a lot when you compare the numbers, but it is. I’m rewriting pretty much every chapter in this draft. And if I’m going to rewrite a chapter to fix voice, I might as well widen the stroke to fix other major issues. Plot beats and structure are being hit too. The foundations for setting, world, and secondary characters are getting reinforced.

When I *tried* to start revising in February and wanted to bang my head on the keyboard, two of my friends suggested to try approaching it as another first draft. I had no idea what they meant at the time.  Now I do: give myself permission to write complete shit, AGAIN.

The funny thing, though, is that it’s less shitty the second time around. Maybe it’s been given a pat on the back and upgraded to crappy. I’m still way over-writing scenes and struggling to find the POV heroine’s voice, but there’s a bit of light poking holes in the angry revision cloud of doom.

Obviously I’m not going to finish draft two within 22 more hours of work. Or even by the end of the month. If I can find a revision process, and lowering the amount of time it takes to rewrite a scene or chapter, I’ll be ecstatic.

 

I actually decided to update my writing schedule a.k.a. goals. Clearly I am crazy because, again, I’ve only rewritten 6 out of god knows how many scenes for this freakin book. This is what I’m talking about:

 

• March thru April (…June): finish draft 2 of UF #1, send to betas; write query, synopsis, and pitches for Twitter
  • April 23 – 24 = DFWCon (not planning to pitch or consult w/ any agent)
• June thru July: outline & flesh out DF idea
  • June 9 = Pitmad for UF  #1
  • June ?? = SFFPit for UF #1
• July: Draft DF book for CampNaNo
  • start prepping PitchWars submission
• August thru September: complete draft 3 of UF #1; work on query, synopsis, blurb, etc.
  • August 3 = PitchWars subs open (!)
• September thru October: complete draft 3 of UF #1  if not finished, send to CPs/NTSFW; additional plotting/planning for UF #2
  • PitchWars revisions (if picked)
• November: finish draft of UF #2 for NaNoWriMo; work on query, synopsis, Twitter pitches, etc. for UF #1
• December: finish draft of DF; work on draft 4 for UF #1
  • December 1 = Pitmad for UF #1
  • December ? = SFFPit for UF #1

 

So yeah. Wouldn’t that be nice if all those things got done? I’d probably hate myself next Feb. with all the revisions I’d have to look forward to. But it’d be so worth it.

Ready, set, NaNoWri- , er, NaNoEdMo

*Crawls out of first draft slag.*

Suffice to say neither January nor February went according to the revision plan, but that’s the good thing about being an unpublished, un-contracted writer – you determine the deadline. If you need more time to fix the story, or talk yourself off the “All these words are complete shit” cliff about fifty times, you have it.

Finding a revision process that works for me has been the most frustrating thing. I’ve littered my desk with scene cards, post-its, notebooks, and craft books. I still don’t know if any of that will do any good, but hey, at least I’ve got a more cohesive, concise outline! I’ll just have to throw myself off the deep end and figure out what works. Much like drafting.

And to help kick me into the pool’s edge, NaNoEdMo begins tomorrow! It’s similar to NaNoWriMo, only it’s for editing/revising rather than drafting, and the goal is 50 hours rather than 50,000 words. Granted, 50 hours doesn’t sound like a lot… until you’re staring down the barrel of a character who won’t cooperate. Now, I’m not very good at making and sticking to my own writing goals, but NaNo’s have always worked for me. So thank heavens NaNoEdMo has a similar suggested structure. Just a touch over 1.5 hours a day for 31 days will get you to 50 hours. Substantial rewrites, grammar/spelling errors, and the like all count as acceptable “edits” for the event.

If you’d like to join me in revision nightmares funtimes, you can sign up at http://nanoedmo.com/ .
** If you have problems registering, contact the Webmaster (see Contact Us page) and he can help set you up.

 

See you all after the first breakdown! Har har har….